question for anyone in a relationship

[Perefalcon]

this is something that I'm wrestling with badly right now. Wondered if anyone could give me outside insight on it...

the other day I checked the messeges on the answering machine, only to find a messege that sent me into tears. Rob was having a conversation with his aunt and talking so badly about me, I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. I confronted him about it and he told me yeah so what, it's the truth. I've been with him for nearly 6 years, and never knew that he could be so mean. Today, I was talking about it with my mom and found out that it was almost the same thing my abusive father did to her. She's willing to help me fight a custody battle if need be, but I'm wondering if that's neccessary. We've dealt with worse things, but how can be talk about me behind my back to his family, when I've always defended him if my familty said anything about him, to the brink of me wanting to disown my family.

 

[Russ S]

First let me say that I am sorry you are having trouble in your relationship.
From a males perspective, I think your husband is acting like someone that has regrets and not just a little resentment. While my first instinct is to tell you to run as fast as you can, the fact that there is a child or children causes me to suggest a slightly different route.
Without giving him an ultimatum, ask that he go to counseling with you in order to find out what is the root cause/causes for his feelings of animosity toward you. Unless this can be accomplished it's unlikely he will stop, and there is a possibility things could escilate.
Divorce is always an option, but it's always best to try to find the reason behind the problem before taking that final step.

Best of luck with your situation.

Reguards,

Russell

 

[Perefalcon]

oh we're not married, we were supposed to be a while ago, but things happened...I already know the seat of his issues, and he won't go to a counselor...his mother died last year and it changed him

 

[brandy101010]

I'm sorry you are having problems in your relationship. I don't really know what I would do in your situation. I guess it would depend on what exactly was said. If it was something that hurt you this badly and he has no remorse for what he said there is a problem. I would be hurt not only by whatever it is that was said but also that he does not care that it caused you such pain. I'm sorry I can't be any help but I wish you the best and hope everything works out for everyone involved.

 

[wilomn]

If trust is gone, what do you have? If what you have, without trust, is of value to you, then keep it.

IF it is not of value, move on.

 

[DontShootMe]

Depends on how much you really love him. 6 years is kind of a long time I don't know how you are. Do you live with him? I think the best relationships are relationships that you have set time away from eachother because NO MATTER how much 2 people are in love hanging out with eachother 24/7 you still will get tired of eachother and find every little thing to piss each other off. Maybe some time away from eachother might help.

 

[Russ S]

one sided love isn't fulfilling. It sounds like it might be time to pack it in.
6 years is a blink of the eye, and it's sometimes better to cut your losses and move on to better things.

 

[Perefalcon]

yeah we live together, but we both work full time jobs, I'm from 12-8 5 days he's 3-11 so we've got time apart almost every day, I've got weekends off he's got wed & thurs off, so our schedules offer plenty of time away from each other

 

[Jeanne]

God..... This is scary! It sounds just like my last relationship...YIKES :main_lipsrsealed:

What does he want? If he is saying these nasty things about you, then maybe he wants out of the relationship. If that's the case, then you don't need to think about it, it's over, get out of there.

If your parents don't like him that much, maybe they will let you stay with them until you can get yourself situated. As for custody, as long as you, the mother, aren't doing anything to endanger the kids, then they won't take them away from you.

I hope things work out for you guys, maybe you can work it out.

 

[Dee]

Wow, that's absolutely brutal.

He says he's not willing to go to counselling -- maybe you need to ask him if he still values your relationship enough to truly work for it and on it. Also, you said the death of his mother changed him? Cory and I lost his Mom in January, and it only brought us closer.

Just something to think about. I hope he decides to open up and you guys can work things out.

 

[The NY Gecko]

I'm a teenager and this prolly wont mean a thing but, I know id never dream of talking bad about the person im with, if i didnt like them i wouldnt be with them. you wont lose the kids, the only reason my mom lost me was because she was an alcoholic. even if you didnt work youd still get them. I'm very sorry you have to go through this, as much as we argue i still like you sticky, so i wish the best.

 

[misanthorpe]

You are not married. He is not commited to you. You won't be getting married.
And, as far as "LOVE" goes, trust the words of wisdom--having been there and done that--"Love" is not enough. Insisting on hanging on for love only perpetuates the insanity.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but I have already learned this lesson and it was hard.

Love is not words, it's not even "feelings". Love is a verb. It can be recognized in the way one treats another regardless of how s/he "feels" or what s/he says.